Sometimes You Just Have To Shut The Door

Here is a small list of things I have noticed in the last three months at site:

1. Whites can't do anything
2. Animals are just animals
3. If breakfast is over it is time for tea
4. Beat them
5. I will say yes because you are a guest

I've been in Senegal now for nearly 6 months and in village for a hair over three. So I have obsereved, been a part of or a victim to many cultural gems that exist here in Senegal. I've listed a bare minimum of some of these and I know they are a bit unclear so I will do my best to explain them.

Whites Can't Do Anything

"You are able to pull water?" "You can run?" "You can climb a tree?" "You can ride a horse?" "You can crack open a peanut shell?" "You can_______" Feel free to fill in the blank however you like. I am amazed sometimes that I haven't yet heard some person state with shock that I am able to breath. It is extremely annoying, frustrating and down right ridiculous. I know that people here (and around the world for that matter) are given the warped sense of what white people and Americans in particukar are like (Rambo movies, Vampire Diaries, soap operas and othersuch dregs of our media culture) but seriously, I am perfectly capable of carrying a bucket of water.

Part of the Peace Corps mission is to share our culture with our host village and any other people we meet. What I have realised is that, in reality, it isn't so much sharing our culture as it is correcting serious misconceptions. This also includes, on occassion, coming to Europe's defense when a man told me that all europeans were a bunch of rascist who would murder all Africans if America was around to stop them.

Yes. That really happened.

So explaining that, no, America is not at war with Columbia just because someone saw a "rambo" movie that said we were is not uncommon. Or having to correct them when they claim that Khadafi (sp?) was killed by US comandos - the Libyans actually did that. It was on Senegalese tv too. No, the roads in the US are not paved with gold, nor do people just hand you money once you arrive in the country. Many of the men tell me they will go to America and be floor cleaners or window washers. I've heard quite a few say they will teach Pulaar and make tons of money and then come back rich and give their family everything. I remember during my CBT stay I ended up giving a comparative economics 101 class with my host brothers and cousins. It blew their mind how expensive just my watch was (converted to CFA) let alone how much it cost for electricity, water, sewage, rent, taxes. And they nearly fainted when I told them how long people work during the day/week. I don't know if this is just the divide between semi-urban and rural populations are, but people in my village - even the educated teachers - either can't grasp the fact that no matter how much more money they make in the US (comparitively speaking) all of that is eaten up by the enormous expense of simply living. I told them how much my plane ticket was - in CFA - that got their attention for a bit, but only to the point of saying that maybe they would just be a taxi driver instead.

How does one say, nicely, that because you can't speak a word of English, and you are Muslim, your possible employment in the US at a time of high unemployment of citizens, heightened religious and racial bigotry will not help your job search? Our country, to them (aside from apparently being at war with every nation, and, as one middle school history teacher told me, willing to invade any country at the mere thought of oil), is this vast pot of money just waiting to be pillaged.

It doesn't matter how many times I tell people that it is expensive, you have to work 70 hours a week just to pay for rent, there is no 3 hour lunch or 2 hour tea breaks in them middle of the day, they just keep telling me they will go to America and be rich.

Hence their thoughts on what white people can do:

1. Give money
2. Buy stuff for them
3. Give away everything we own because we have so much money we can just buy more
4. cure them of any disease (including AIDS)
5. Give them money
6. Buy them stuff

I suppose in a way I can't blame them for not giving up on their idealized version of America. Everyone has a dream and, really, isn't their dream the same as every one else's who ever came to this country? From the very first settler to the last person who just got a work visa? But being asked for everything I own (sunglasses, hat, shirt, shoes, zip lock bags, my stuffed bear, knife, water filter, watch, pens, flashlight, etc) on a daily basis is sooo irritating. I've started saying 'sure, give me a million francs'. The look on their face is priceless and after insisting that I can't be serious, and my insisting they pay me a million francs, they shut up.

But me help my dad build a fence for his horses? What? A white person? A girl? No way!

I will say that after 3 months in village there are now some people who come to my defense when outsiders mention me being a 'Toubako' and then comment on my pulling water or speaking Pulaar to someone. "Of course she can," my friend Hawa said once, "She's African just like us."

I love that woman.

Animals are just Animals

I HATE this. Animals are treated so, so terribly. Not fed (horses & cows die all the time from lack of food, even in the rainy season when grass is everywhere), fed poorly (garbage is a diet staple for way too many animals), and beaten for absolutely no reason (My brother, Ousaman, answered my question of 'why did you beat the horse?' with "because it's a horse.'), worked way too hard (horses and donkeys especially), no real veterinary service or interest in those available. The only reason I feel semi comfortable leaving my cat with my family is because they know how much I love her and they think she's funny.

But there are times when I have to leave and area and go into my hut to get away from it because I just can't take it.

Tea

"Stay for two rounds of tea."

Tea is an essential part of the social life in Senegal. People gossip, talk about problems, goals, desires, ask about my life in America, do I like Senegal, will I take their kid with me when I go home, will I marry them and take them to America....it's a lot of talking and really their version of having a couple beers with some friends. When you commit to drinking tea it is going to be about an hour and a half before you can get out of the compound or from under the shade tree or out of the boutique. So plan to not have a lot on the schedule.

I really don't mind this part of the culture. I actually really enjoy it, especially when the person making tea is really good at it and puts vanilla or mint in it. It is also a great way to integrate and just be a part of the community. Bonus when it is a group of men that get passed the marriage issue and ask me serious questions about economy and what my work is.

Problem with all this tea, though, is the sugar.

The tea leaves they use make a strong, bitter flavor after being boiled for 20 minutes. Sugar is needed.

Tons of it.

I don't even know what the typical amount is, but it is a lot and everyone does it differently. Though I've never found someone who didn't put sugar in Tea. In fact such a suggestion is as foreign and disgusting to them as my finding a cow vertebrae in my food bowl. I'm not exaggerating. I made Lady Grey tea (which I never put sugar  or milk in) and let some neighbors and family taste. That was a moment where I wish I had someone following me with a camera. Their facial expressions after drinking it were HILARIOUS. My oldest sister, Kumba, turned it into a prank and told people it was coffee. We died laughing.

Back to the tea: overall, I love it and jump at the opportunity to have some, especially when vanilla sugar and mint leaves are added. BUT: 9:30 in the morning? Scalding hot sugar with tea flavored water is a bit hard on my stomach. "I've had breakfast," one man told me when I told him it was only 8:30 in the morning. "I can have tea any time after that."

One more note on the tea: the cups they use - shot sized glasses - are also shared. They are not washed - rinsed with water, but not actually washed - and after one person drinks their cup, it is refilled and handed to the next person.

And they complain to me about all the sickness in the village.

Yeesh.

Domestic Abuse/Corporal Punishment

This is another aspect of the Senegalese culture that has been hard to deal with. I can't say that I've witnessed pure domestic abuse in the sense of angry/drunk/beat on the wife or kids just because sort of thing. But, emotional abuse and beating for punishment is everywhere.

To be clear on this, from my own observations and those of other volunteers, beatings of people are not like beating animals: beating a women just because a person felt like it is not culturally acceptable. If that happens, the person who does the beating gets in serious trouble and is shamed and loses respect, etc.There has to be a legitimate reason for someone to get smacked around. But of course, as with all things here, the definition and 'legitimate' needs adjustment from our own idea of it. Dropping a bowl, getting in the way of the plow, being too close to the horse while it is being washed (and thus the danger of spooking), getting in a fight, or just even being in the way while a women is cooking is enough to have several sharp snaps of a stick, spoon or hand across a kid's face or anywhere within reach.

With this in mind, I would like to share a very disturbing even that happened about two months ago.

Boys are boys, no matter what country you are in. They tease, play pranks, blame each other for everything, play wrestle, fight and do stupid things in general. One afternoon, two of my brothers, Lemmon (around 12 years old) and Pate (around 10), were arguing over a half a mango that my grandmother gave to Pate. Lemmon wanted some and Pate didn't want to share. He only wanted a slice of it and soon enough a game of keep away started with the knife.

You can probably guess where this is going.

I was playing with my 7 month old baby brother, Alpha, and didn't actually see what happened, but the next thing I know Pate is wailing in this hoarse type of crying (that is unique to real pain, as opposed to the fake-as-cheese-wiz crying they do to get attention or get each other in trouble), holding his eye while blood poured from under his hand. The tip of his eyebrow and a bit of his temple had been sliced open. Superficial, but it hurt like hell (I'm sure) and head wounds always bleed like a burst pipe.

There was a brief moment of confusion as few others actually saw what happened either. One of those blink-and-you-miss-it moments. Lemmon stared in horror and my grandmother (who is a hard ass and also the matron at the health post) took charge, smacked Pate on the shoulder and said something to the effect of, 'suck it up and lets go to the hospital.' My other siblings were shouting, one of my host mom's, Tennan, was shouting about 'stupid boys' until finally Lemmon snapped out of it and followed my grandmother, Pate, and the huge entourage of siblings to the health post apologizing over and over again. They disappeared into the Health Post and I went back to playing with Alpha.

This was an accident. Everyone knew that. They were stupid, but it was a total accident.

About ten minutes later the worst screaming and shouting I had heard to date exploded from the general direction of the health post. Out bursts Lemmon, who stumbles to the ground and barely managed to stand up before a guy streaks out after him - HUGE stick in his hand - grabs on to his shirt and proceeds to beat the living daylights out of him.

I have no clue - to this day - who the hell that guy was, but he wailed on my brother, ripped his shirt to bits as he tried to escape and ended up slicing open his nipple. The cut was probably three inches long. Lemmon managed to get away - thank GOD - and sprinted into the fields before returning to our family compound some time later crying so hard he couldn't breath and holding his hand over the bloody cut.

My grandmother had returned from the health post by this time and it took her, my host mom Tennan and my oldest brother Ibrihima to literally drag him to the health post to get stitches. He screamed and wailed. What if that bastard was still there? If I were him I wouldn't want to go back either.

During the actual beating people all over were shouting at the man to stop. "Enough!" they yelled. But not once person tried to physically stop him.

It was an accident. A total accident. But my brother, after apologizing and already having the worse punishment of shame and guilt take over his senses, he got the crap beat out of him. So what happened at the end of the day? Pate is cut but totally fine. He went back to eating another mango. Lemmon? He curled up, nearly in the fetal position, under the shade structure, didn't talk and didn't eat for the rest of the day. All I wanted to do was give him a hug and tell him how sorry I was and that I knew it was all an accident. But I didn't know how to really say that and hugs...hugs just aren't done here. He wouldn't understand what it really meant because they don't have the same significance to these kids as it does to us.

This was an over reaction, but I think the lack of response to the over reaction is a testament to the practice of beating in general. People will actively and quickly break up a fight between children (and then beat the crap out of the kids for fighting) but rarely does anyone step in to stop an adult from beating a kid unless it goes to the real extreme.

Another aspect of beating that is extremely hard to watch is the encouragement of it. I can't even begin to count the number of times one of my siblings has told me, 'Lapi mbo' ('beat him/her') for something as ridiculous as trying to sit on my lap.

My little brother, Kala (who is my pal and around 4 years old) went out one day a few weeks ago to help bring the goats in. Moussa, another one of my brothers went as well. Some time later, goats in tow, they return crying, shoving each other and each blaming the other for something I couldn't understand. (I never can when it's young kid talk while wailing/crying. English or not). Kala ran over to me. Moussa to my grandmother. There was a lot of confusion about what happened until my host dad showed up. Apparently Kala had lost grip on of the ropes that was tied to a goat and the goat ran off and knocked over Moussa. Moussa probably slapped and hit Kala for it, but they (like all children) ran back to the family to get the other brother in even more trouble.

Once it all came out, my dad ordered Kala to come to him, shouted at him about losing control over the goat and then handed a stick to Moussa and told him to beat Kala. Moussa refused, so my dad shouted at him for refusing and then started hitting Kala with the stick himself.

I went into my room, shut the door and turned on my music to drown in out.

A last note: some of you may ask why there isn't just denial of privileges, 'grounding' or just taking away beloved items. Maybe these kids just need a 'stern talking to', after all, this kind of punishment - and to the same severity - was practiced not all that long ago in our own 'enlightened' western world before we started these other practices. In response, let me ask you just what sort of privileges you think these kids have? What beloved items? There is no tv, no playstation, no special outings to restaurants, no iPod, no cell phone, no toy (all things are community owned within a group of children; no toy is only one kid's toy, it is all the kids' toy), no possession period that can be used as a punishment. Well, then, why aren't they grounded - who is going to watch this kid and make sure he doesn't leave an open compound that has no locks and no physical way of closing them in? The women go out to the fields during the rainy season. So do the men. During the school year, the older kids go to school (and they wouldn't care about enforcing the parent's mandate anyway). With five, ten, fifteen kids to watch while they cook, clean, do laundry, how can a woman keep track of who is where? The kids lie for each other all the time. Sending kids to play with their friends is how women can do their work during the day. Community raising of children is how these kids don't end up killing each other or having serious accidents - they are watched all over the village. But it is nigh impossible to confine them.

And a talking to? Words, while they evoke emotional pain and cause a kid to cry and run into a corner in shame for a short period of time, don't actually mean anything. When a person can promise to be at a meeting, just so they won't upset who they are talking to (see the next section), and then not show up, what does a person's word mean? Nothing.

Isn't this the prevailing complaint people have about the lack of disciplining of children in America? No swat on the butt to emphasize a 'No, you cannot take the stuffed tiger from the shelf', or what have you. Kids don't know there are repercussions to their actions.

Already I can hear the arguments: "Spanking is not the same as what these kids get!" No kidding. Which is why I hate it and can't watch it/have to tune it out somehow. It is horribly excessive and by the time they are older, it also starts to mean nothing in terms of it being a real repercussion of behavior and instead becomes 'just part of being an African kid'. (See 'defeatist attitude') But in a culture where there is nothing to take away and where words mean nothing in the long term, it is all they have to control their mass of children: fear of pain.

Say 'Yes' To The Guest

As I mentioned in my previous post, the first 7 weeks of being in village (more, if you count the site visit back in April) I believed I could have a dog. My host dad told me it wasn't a problem, he knew where I could get a dog and I didn't need to worry about it. I won't repeat the circumstances of how I found out the truth - that he, in fact, didn't want one and actually doesn't like dogs - but it is a perfect example of the culture of hospitality and not denying things to guests. He didn't want me to be sad, upset, disappointed or angry, so he said yes.

Senegal is known for its hospitality, generosity, tolerance and political stability on a continent rife with chaos (which stems from those attributes). Just take a look at all of the countries that surround it and you'll see what I mean. The last ten years have not been kind to Senegal's neighbors. But the people here will literally give you the shirt off their back if you ask, give you food, water and shelter if needed and even ask for those things from a neighbor if they can't afford to buy it/get it themselves. (Which is probably why they don't really have words for 'please' and 'thank you' - only words that can mean those things, but primarily mean other things in other contexts. Sharing is just expected. Why say thank you when you have no doubt it will happen?) They want to please you, to give the answers you want to hear and keep you happy because that gives them greater respect within the community. It's also a big part of the Koran. Islamic terrorist bastardize a truly good religion, just as all extremists in any belief do (Crusades? Witch trials? KKK? Mao? Stalin? ring a bell to anyone?)

Problem is, when they don't want to do something, don't agree or don't like something, they won't actually tell you (see the dog issue). This creates a HUGE problem for volunteers when they are trying to get projects set up, have meetings or get to the base issues underlying a problem. If a time is a set, but it doesn't actually work for the Senegalese you are talking to, they will still say it is fine, they'll be there. And then they won't show up.

Being direct is not an attribute to be found in the Senegalese make up and to the typical American (who doesn't have to tip toe around being politically correct or kiss their boss's behind) who has no problem saying, 'hell no that is not okay', getting the run around and being lied to is extremely frustrating. No matter how good the intention might be.

Miscellaneous

Like I said in the beginning, there is a ton of cultural aspects that I could talk about and fill up a book. I won't though (I can hear your sighs of relief already since this post is novel-like enough). But I want to comment briefly on a few other topics.

Food: Rice is the staple in this country - as it is in most of Africa - and it comes from all over the world. NGOs provide it, it is grown here in Senegal and people flip their lid if they don't have it. Rice is used, among other things, to fill up a child's belly. Like chinese food, it creates the illusion of being well fed and full while in fact the person is malnourished. Just because a belly is full and a kid says he can't eat anymore, doesn't mean he/she is a healthy child. Quite the contrary. I often feel sick seeing all the young kids (who don't work in the fields or the girls too young to pull and carry water) with huge protruding stomachs that are in stark contrast to their stick thin arms and visible ribs. These kids don't eat vegetables - and if they do they are NEVER raw, but instead boiled to the point of having no point at all - despite the fact that they are sold in every market. Yes, money is an issue. It takes money to buy them from a market, and it takes money, labor and time to grow them yourself. But the colossal amount of money adults spend on tea makes that argument moot. And EVERYONE drinks tea. Several times a day.

Meals are also pretty much arranged in a hierarchy. Men and boys over ten eat in a well supplied bowl. When there is meat, they get most of it. Women eat separately (in my family they share the bowl with the younger kids, but in other compounds kids have a separate bowl even from women) and have less protein. The kids get even less, even though they are the most in need of calories and food for their growing bodies.

Defeatist Attitude: "This is Africa. It is just how it is." This was spoken by one of the teachers at the elementary school during my first site visit back in April after Chelsea, the volunteer in Mampatime, told him the kids get sick from drinking untreated water from the well. People here either don't understand, don't care or don't see the possibility that they have an influence on their position and influence on their food quality, water quality and health. They also rely heavily on how things have gone in the past. It is and has always been, this way. "God wills it," is another favored phrase which is used just as often. It's a cop out, because the God I know - which is the same as theirs, thank you very much - gave us a brain and the intuition and curiosity to better ourselves for a reason.

Inertia is the greatest force to overcome and these people - as a collective group - are nearly impossible to move. Change must come from within, but when they cannot conceptualize long term projects, goals or effects (because their family needs money to buy rice now not in three years) why should they cover a well or wash their hands? If they don't see it, it isn't happening or it can't be changed.

I did a big USAID survey on sanitation and water quality before I left for IST (in service training, which I am currently at right now). I had to go to every single compound and see the latrines, find out how many families lived in the compound, ask how many people lived there, where all the wells were, and what kind of issues the people saw in the community. I then had to compile that info, so I was in my hut for the majority of a few days. People in my village either thought I was sick or that I was sleeping because they couldn't see what I was doing.

Malaria is a big problem in the southern regions of Senegal. It is part of being here, they tell me, and if their child gets it and dies, 'God willed it.' I call BS on that. The sad thing is, they know exactly what to do. They know they should sleep under a mosquito net, get tested if they have a fever (and they call nearly all sickness Malaria) and that kids are especially vulnerable, but it doesn't matter. They don't like the mosquito nets and/or don't use them at the critical times. They stay out side until midnight, the nets aren't put outside on the sleeping structure and kids always fall asleep outside waiting for dinner and so don't sleep under them either. What they do want, though, is medicine to be given to them when they are sick, which leads me to my next point.

NGOs And Most Foreign Aid In General: Before I got here I was a huge supporter of foreign aid and NGOs.Those who complain about how much we spend: get real. Get the facts. The US spends less than 1% of GDP on foreign aid. http://foreignassistance.gov/ So stop whinging about how we spend all this money abroad to feed kids when we have starving kids at home. No kidding. I agree we should take a serious look at how we help ourselves (or don't for that matter) but take a look at the other parts of government spending that are down right obscene ( billion dollar military contracts that fall through and are never recouped, lifetime cheap medical insurance for a one term senator or congressmen, wars that should never have been fought and billions lost in subsidies for companies that don't effing need them, etc)

Back to the point: I still am a supporter of foreign aid, but my view has shifted a great deal (as my poor unfortunate parents and sister can attest after many phone conversations). Money isn't a problem. Dear God, the amount - globally - that is spent in Africa alone is enough to make your head spin, but that money rarely ever makes a sustainable difference because it is just dumped on communities in varying forms (if they are lucky and their own horribly corrupt government doesn't shove it in their own pockets) and then left there without support. No one is trained on how to repair these fancy new toilets or well pump that UNICEF just installed. They break down - as all things do - and the money and materials is wasted. No education on why using latrines is better than pooping in the bush. They are built, the NGO leaves and no one uses the latrines. Diseases persist.

Many people in my village don't understand why I can't build them a huge water tower, bring electricity or pave their horrible, horrible roads (as many NGOs do). Or why I am not bringing western medicine to cure them of diseases (I was told by one man that America had found a cure for AIDS and wanted to know when I would be stocking the health post with it.)

Teaching them to help themselves, to better their own lives gets increasingly difficult while NGOs waltz in with a million dollars and build whatever they want and/or whatever the village asks for. This just re-enforces the 'hand out' mentality and makes our jobs harder. It also ultimately undermines the very purpose of aid: temporary assistance to the country until they are self reliant. Why struggle and pay for it yourself when someone else will do it for you, for a few empty promises?

And how can skilled labor increase if no one teaches these people how to maintain the infrastructure or new technology put in place? USAID, UNICEF, the Japanese, Austrians, French, Chinese - they don't leave behind mechanics or trained personnel to fix what breaks. It is unsustainable and everything just ends up taking 10 steps backwards once it does break.

Don't get me wrong, big money and big plans are needed and governments (legitimate governments that are not on the UN's list of ten worst for corruption) are often vital in order to get their own distribution/supply lines built, trust built between them and their citizens. Which furthers legitimacy and less dependence on outsiders - if a guy knows he can go to the mayor, ask for funding for a project and get it without being ripped off under the table, he's going to tell his friends to trust the government too. Everyone wins. But grassroots sustainability and project building is essential for any change to actually happen. Sure, I bet it looks great on a report to say that 100 schools were built and 1000 solar panels were installed in those schools and health facilities. But what about counting all the people that could have been trained to fix and maintain all that fancy new stuff? Not only will those facilities and panels last long enough to improve the conditions of the people they are suppose to serve, but you've just given a ton of people a way of life outside of farming - which is a big deal! A living that doesn't depend on the fickle, unpredictable and often merciless weather of Africa is always, always, a big bonus.

How is that not a priority?

And now I'm edging too close to a rant so I'll end here. (I know, it's too late already). Hope this helped illustrate a few cultural aspects and gives you all something to talk about. Another mission of the Peace Corps is to share our host culture with America, so I hope this suffices for now.

Cheers!
Christine

Two Months Down, Twenty-Two Left

The price of living in a village with no electricity and having a tablet without the ability to use an internet key is that updating the fact that I am alive is very difficult. I am entirely dependent on the Kolda house for internet, which isn't the best idea because the internet here is very finicky. For example, right now I am using another volunteer's computer because my tablet for some reason won't go online and the physical desktop computer that is plugged in to the router won't go online either. So a big thanks to Lisa for letting me steal her computer for a while so I can update my friends and family on life in my village beyond facebook photos and quick status updates.

I've been trying to figure out how I would put this blog together for the last couple weeks. So much has happened in the last two months - physically, emotionally - that it is hard to really relay everything, nor do I think it is possible to actually do that. So I'll get as much across here that I can, and the rest will have to stay in the pages of my journal and the little black book I carry around in village to write down words I don't know and observations.

My plan is to write two posts: one for my personal experiences and feelings, the other for cultural/village observations. Please forgive me for leaving things out, or even glossing over details as the first five weeks of my village life are a bit of a blur of unbearable heat, tons of frustration, lots of confusion and homesickness.

And it was two months ago, so escuse my poor memory as well.

So here goes.


 I arrived in Badion in the afternoon of May 23rd, got out of the air conditioned truck and wanted to pass out from the heat. The hottest part of the year here is April thru Mid June. So I arrived right in the middle of crazy heat and had to unpack everything. That whole day was a bit of a blur. It is strange to think back on it. I didn't know anyone, could hardly speak the language (which still holds true today) and I was extremely self conscious. It didn't help that my family only knew that I was coming about two hours before I arrived, that particular fact made me very upset because the week before my counterpart had called me on the day I was originally supposed to install and asked why I didn't show up. I called the man responsible for informing our families and he swore he told my family. Obviously not. So this time I called the same man two days before I installed and asked if they told my family when I was installing. He said yes. So I thought everything was a-okay.

Obviously not.

My APCD, the man in charge of the Health sector of volunteers, called me on the way to my village and said he couldn't get ahold of my counterparts or family. So I had to find the number of the middle school principle from my village and ask him to inform my family (he speaks very good English, which is how I managed it).

So, with two hours notice, I didn't get the same kind of big fanfare that most other volunteers got upon their arrival. For my own personal preferences, I am glad of it because I felt uncomfortable and awkward enough as it was. The women kept asking me to dance (and their kind of dancing is not at all like Western and I can't dance anyway) so I resisted, telling them I couldn't dance, but at last I relented and just did this spinning thing in the middle of the circle. They all laughed and now they know for sure that I can't dance. So now when they asked me to dance, it is far more of a joke and they don't expect me to dance. Thank God.

That first night I was visited by giant spiders and an army of black ants crawled up my walls the next day. Freaked me out and I ended up running to my host dad, Mamadou, who is the chief, and asking for help. He just used my broom to sweep them off the walls and stuck a rock in the whole to their empire. Always a good experience.

Insects are the bane of my existence right now, but that is jumping ahead a little so I'll hold off for the moment.

Chickens, roosters, donkeys, cows, sheep and goats wake me up each morning. I know when most people think of Africa and its animals, they think of lions and hyenas, zebras and giraffes, but they don't exist here. Senegal, really, is one giant farm. There are monkeys, but it isn't like they are hanging from every tree. All the wildlife is in fact domesticated or just birds. So sorry folks, no pictures of lions on the prowl.

Also during those first few days random people would come into my room and just look around. Really awkward and very uncomfortable, but that is just part of their culture. Privacy and private property really doesn't exist - at least among family or friends - so it has been really difficult to  set boundaries to my hut and get people to respect those boundaries. It also didn't help that in the beginning I didn't have a curtain across my door, so everyone could see in all the time. That was remedied after the first market day - Sunday - where my dad helped me get a hammer, nails, curtain and he bought meat (which was not a pleasant sight) for lunch that day.

A scorpion crawled through my room the second night and my neighbor, the elementary school principle, helped me kill it.

To escape the onslaught of children and people the first couple days I just escaped to a Mango tree behind my hut and brought my Pulaar flash cards with me. I ended up building some credit with the kids by doing that actually, because I could pick mangoes and throw them down. Ended up spending the first week following the kids when they asked me to come so I could climb into the trees they couldn't get into. I'll tell you right now there is nothing compared to picking a mango and then eating it right there in the tree.

I know I'll miss the mangoes when I do get home. The season is over - or very nearly - and I already miss them.

The kids taught me some of their games, including a variation on Jacks, hopscotch and a game that is played in the dirt with rocks that reminds me a bit like checkers. I'll talk a bit more about these games in terms of the culture in a second post, but it was a bit disturbing to find that there is no strategy or tactics in these games. It is all about scoring. Nothing else.

Language was the foundation of every frustration, coupled with the heat, is just made for some extremely hard first weeks. My community counterpart was in the Gambia for the first 7 weeks of my service, so instead of having a guide to the village, I wandered around from compound to compound on my own and greeted people, wrote down words that I didn't know and endured the constant, ceaseless comparisons of my language skills to Chelsea's (she's the volunteer at my road town and the volunteer who has spent the most time in my village as they were preparing for me to come). They laughed at me, found out a few of them were calling me an idiot - there is a boutique owner who knows some English and he helps me with things I don't know - and my self esteem, already low from having failed my Pulaar test - took blow after blow.

As I look back at it now I honestly don't know how I managed to survive five solid weeks in village. The kids in my family are nuts, and there are two that I absolutely hate.

I was never a very 'kid friendly' person in terms of wanting to have my own or be a babysitter and such. I just don't have patience for it.  This country has transformed that impatience to really just despising children. I know full well that the circumstances of their lives - including having 3 moms and that there are 14 of them in one family - makes everything completely different, but in some ways I feel like this setting for child raising just brings out the worst aspects of children to the nth degree. They don't really get to be kids - as they work in the fields or are doing dishes or taking care of their younger siblings, depending on their gender - and they aren't really parented because their mothers are so busy cooking, pounding grain, and doing so many other things. They are left to their own devices from a very early age and responsible behavior and discipline is not taught. Punishment is having the crap beat out of them. So kids are brutal to each other, sneaky in their transgressions against each other so they don't get beat and free to indulge in their cruelest vices.

After telling my family over and over again that I couldn't eat fish or palm oil and them ignoring it, I ended up getting very sick for three days. Only after that miserable experience did they finally believe me when I said I can't eat certain items, and I added this rice porridge that they eat for breakfast and occasional dinner. The porridge with peanuts was also added to the list along with the drive version of the latter.  No idea if those things really made me sick, but it was what I was throwing up for 3 days until it was nothing but oil coming up my throat. So I don't eat those things and I haven't been sick since.

More heat, language problems and bad phone reception filled those five weeks, though I got far more comfortable in Badion, got to know people and my language did improve a bit. I am still woefully dismal at it, but at this point I've decided that I don't really care. There are enough things that cause stress that if I continue to bluster and worry over my language skills I'll go insane. At this point, it is what it is and if I end up - at the end of 2 years - being the worst Pulaar speaker in the history of Peace Corps Senegal and I'm not going to care. My replacement can be amazing at it. Right now I just figure my job is to teach my village what it is like to have a white person in the village, what their language sounds like coming from a westerner and that not all Americans are rolling in dough.

That helped with my self esteem and I relaxed at bit more and just kind of went with the flow. I still get irked when people criticize my language or say I am not as good as Chelsea. Sometimes it hits me so hard I just have to get up and leave. I don't care if it is rude, I just can't let them think they can say those things without some kind of reaction. Leaving is the best method, because then they know they have actually given offence.

Another form of stress relief has been watching the thunderstorms. Those started around mid June, though it didn't actually rain in Badion until the 19th. There really isn't anything like the sound of rain that reminds me more of being home or helps to settle my nerves. It cools down the air and gives me an excuse to stay in my hut. Everyone else does too, so I don't have to feel guilty about it.

Around this time was when I first met with the womens groups. 53 Pulaar women, nearly all of them type A personalities, trying to talk over each other. It was intimidating as hell and really overwhelming. Found out that they don't want just a garden, they want to do some serious crops and a cashew tree nursery. Not my expertise. They were also disappointed when I told them I would not be bringing 'Toubakou' medicine, to which one lady responded, 'then what good are you for us?'

Always nice.

Phone calls from home have really sustained me through the last two months. As well as my new kitten. As this post is always turning into a novel I'll try to truncate the story.

Dauda, one of the Peace Corps officials, came to my village after the 4th of July - where I went to Kedougou as my celebration for successfully making it through the 5 week challenge - as part of  a first year torney of visiting the new volunteers to see how things are going. My host father had promised from the beginning that I could have a dog. "There is no problem," he told me. He even told me of villages he knew of that had some pregnant dogs. So what happens? Dauda comes and he, my host dad and my one health post counterpart, Aliou, have a discussion - in Wolof, which I don't understand - and out comes that I cannot in fact have a dog because it would be inappropriate for my dad. Or something to that affect. Big problem with having host nationals come do the visits is that they really aren't very good English speakers so a ton, a ton, is lost in translation. For 7 weeks I thought I could have a dog. Now, let me make this clear, I did not come to my village or to Senegal with the intention of having a dog. I just know a lot of volunteers who have a dog and the companionship is invaluable. My thought was, if it was okay with my family, I would get a dog. So my host dad, at volunteer visit back in April, said it was okay to have a dog. So I started planning for it.

Then to find out I could not have one after being told I could was extremely frustrating. I was disappointed. And when I asked why he didn't tell me before, the answer was that in the Senegalese culture you don't deny things to guests. So they just let me think I could have one. I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I had come back to Badion one day with a puppy. Would he have said 'no'? Or just continued on the same 'guest' route and said it was okay. I didn't come here wanting to offend anyone or doing things that were culturally inappropriate. My friend Julia, who is the closest volunteer to me, had three puppies reserved for herself, me and another volunteer. Within a week of that conversation with Dauda, I would have had a dog.

Sufficed to say, I told Dauda that he had to tell my dad that this sort of 'guest' mentality had to stop. If I ask to do something, or want to have something, he had to be direct and tell me yes or no directly. Apparently he agreed, but we'll see how it goes. Because when I hear 'yes' I assume that is exactly what it means.

So I have this cat. I mentioned once to my sister, Kumba (who is 15,  or so she thinks, as age really isn't kept track of here), that a cat would be useful for the mouse who scurries around my room at night. The next thing I know, I get back from Kedougou and my younger siblings say "your cat is at a compound near the lumo. When do you want to get it?"

Her name is Tennan (which means Monday in Pulaar, and is also the name of one of my host mothers),  and she's earned her keep by killing a mouse fairly early on in her stay. Not to say she hasn't been difficult or that haven't asked myself why I ever said anything in the first place, but at the moment I wouldn't trade her playful cuteness for anything. I love how she'll crawl up onto my bed and fall asleep on my stomach. I've never been a cat person before, but when it comes to companionship over here, I'll take anything. And she killed a mouse, so it isn't like she isn't useful.

I guess I've been a bit negative so far, so let me try and round out this post with some positive:

- My dad and I have a really great relationship. He's protective, kind, loving towards his kids (though  harsh when he catches them doing things wrong) and he and I have become fairly good friends. He gets really upset when people call me 'Toubako' and when the Euro cup was going on we'd sit together and listen and I would tell him if someone scored (the radio transmission came from the Gambia and was thus in English)

-Jarta, the Elementary school principle, is one of my best friends in my village. He is so nice, so helpful (he built my bed and helped me put up my mosquito net and tarp above my bed), and always has a great attitude and always has a smile for me to cheer me up. He also has bought me like a million mangoes, alway appreciated.

-My Siblings: despite the fact that two of them are hellions, I really do like most of them and it's great when I come back from Kolda or when I came back from Kedougou and I was gone for a week, they always run up and shout, "Aisatou Arti" (Aisatou came back!). Had some great moments of me falling in the mud or them trying to speak English. They always want me to play games with them and love it when I chase them accross the compound.

-Hawa Sen - a woman who lives in a hut nearby. She makes breakfast sandwhiches and she's really become another one of my friends. Her son, Saliu, is a pudgy bundle of squirming cuteness that has only just started to walk. I love playing with him and she occasionally gives me free coffee or a sandwhich (which is either butter or bean. Don't get confused, there really aren't any sandwhiches that we think of them. It is a baggett with beans or mayo or butter or chocolate sauce)

-My American Family - I can tell you right now that I don't think I would still be here if it weren't for all of my family that has supported me through cards, letters, pictures and packages. I can't even begin to properly thank all of them for everything.

My days in village are pretty humdrum. The work hasn't really started yet as the first three months are really just for learning the language and the village, so there isn't a lot to report on that end. Made a garden, that may or may not survive since all the seeds came from America and the bugs here are pretty intense. Termites are horrible, ants are relentless and with the rainy season flies and mosquitos are horrible. I am a moveable feast for mosquitoes and fire ants. My legs are in fact currently wrapped up in guaze and ace bandage to try and heal the sores (because I scratch) and protect from further bites.

Ramadan began 2 weeks ago and that always proves a challenge. I'll go over it in more detail in the other post, but it is a very tense month of no eating or drinking water from sunup to sundown. In this heat, while everyone still works in the fields, I can't believe the health post isn't overrun by heat stroke victims. It is tough on those who sell food for a living and it just sort of depresses the whole atmosphere because people get very cranky - understandably so - and their tempers are short. I am not fasting and loving all the food that was sent to me in the packages I have received. It helps me a ton and I feel no guilt in not fasting. Though I was told by three separate women that I should fast because I'm fat.

I've lost nearly 20 lbs while being here. I'm far from fat, thank you very much.

IST - in service training - starts August 23rd, so I'll be back in Thies for a week and a half. Going to raid the Bon Marche of cereal, ice cream and other luxeries. Already planning a pizza dinner with other friends.

I know I've missed a lot, hopefully I can remedy it in future posts, but I'll leave this novel how it is. I do appologize for how all over the place it is.

Cheers for now,
Christine